He Got Knocked The F**k Out Brasilian Style

I sat outside of Sukiyaki restaurant, a Japanese restaurant with an amazing buffet of sushi, grilled meats, and delicious vegetables along the beachside, waiting for a friend.  As I await my friend, I sit on a bench with my back facing the street, but I can feel the fresh sea breeze and hear the sounds of the ocean waves.  I then look over to my right and see a homeless man pull out a gun.  He is waving the gun at some man then points it to his own neck, back at the man, then himself saying something in Portuguese.  Another young man, then begins to entice the homeless man who was sensible enough to ignore the young man and just walk off.  I sat watching this scene wondering if I should run away or just stay. As no one else was running I figured I would just sit there calmly and be vigilant.  The homeless man walks off, so I figure things are fine and I continue to await my friend.  Maybe 5 minutes later I see a man and woman arguing in front of the bus stop. They begin pushing and shoving each other and I stand up to watch.  Other bystanders begin to watch as well, and as the pushing and shoving increases, I think: “Is anyone going to help her?” Then I see the man swing at her, she ducks so he misses her, she then gives him a right into his groin and a left into his stomach.  I then shouted “damn” along with the other bystanders .  She gets into a proper boxing stance and starts swinging at him and the bystanders begin to shout “she is wooping his ass” (in Portuguese of course) she then grabs a motorcycle helmet and whacks him in the face and when a bus pulls in he runs into the bus.  I could see blood dripping down the side of his face.  She then runs after him on the bus and I guess they continue to fight on the bus.  I am now standing there in aww, thinking you “can’t make this shit up”. Only in Salvador.

Look Before You Sit

I was on my way home with some friends from a party and we got on the bus to sit towards the back.  At first, to the right of the bus we see a lot of roaches and one of the guys is stepping on all of them.  I go to sit on the opposite side where I don’t see any roaches.  Then another friend said it smells like vomit, let’s move to the front.  So we go to the front and see a seat with vomit on the bus. It smells even worst, so we return to the back of the bus.  After a few stops a couple gets on the bus.  The lady goes to sit in the seat without looking but her partner notices and stops her before she can sit in the vomit.  They move to the front seat just opposite.  The bus is filling up and most people see it so move.  Then a man comes on the bus and sits right in it.  My friends and I all go ewwww….He starts to move around in the seat to put his wallet in his pocket.  My friends are making sick faces and saying how he is smushing it in even more.  The friend sitting next to me asks why the guys sitting behind him or in front did not warn him.  Oh well. He is in it now.  He continues to sit there and we ask “does he not smell the vomit, how can he stay there”.  A lady comes in and sits next to him and again we say ewwww….but this we are laughing because we are wondering what she will do.  She gets up and moves to the back and sits behind us.  Majority of the people that sat next to him got up to move, but there were a few that stayed until there stop came.  One lady kept covering her nose and looking towards the aisle.  Of course, he gets of at my stop and as I pass his seat of course my curiosity gets the best of me and I look down at the seat and it looks spotless.  He completely cleaned the seat with his pants, but he definitely had the trail of vomit following him.  You can’t Make This Shit Up.  What would you have done in this situation?

Dating in Bahia

One fine Monday evening, I was walking to my Afro-Brasialian dance class and was stopped by a nice looking Brasilian man.  He chatted me up for a bit, but I couldn´t speak for too long as I was on my way to class.  He asked me out and I thought, ok, he looks good.  So we exchange numbers.  He calls me the next day and we  plan to meet in a public location.  We then meet and give the standard kiss on both cheeks to say hi.  He then says "let´s go" and I ask "where are we going?"  He says "out" and of course I say "where".  I don´t know him and am not about to just go anywhere with a stranger.  After some time of trying to not answer and me being persistent he says "to a hotel".  I say "a hotel, for what?" He says to have fun.  I then say "I don´t know you" and he says "that is how we get to know each other." I say no, thanks, I rather talk and go out first, I don´t go to a hotel on the first date.  He says "that is how we do it here, we get to know each other with sex first".  I say sorry, I am not from here.  I am leaving and you can get to know someone else.  He then apologizes and asks me if everything will be ok if I see him walking in the street later.  You Can´t Make This Shit Up!

Pissed On

This is the first of so many stories that have happened to me in Salvador, Br.  I have been here now for 11 months and everyday I am saying only in Salvador.  My friends and I began saying you can't make this shit up and it is true.  We are laughing or in awe almost everyday.  So I decided to share the stories of Salvador in the state of Bahia so that you can enjoy with us.  The first of my happenings begin when I had to go to work.  I was living in the Bairro, called Cabula.  I was walking on a pretty major road, one that most people have to walk down to get to there apartment or Favela, to catch the bus.  I was almost to the end of the street where I would turn right for the main intersection to catch my bus when I saw a lady stop.  She was wearing a flowered t-shirt with a blue jean skirt.  She stopped and turned to face the street.  I kept walking and as I passed her this warm, sunny day I felt some wet sprinkle hit my feet.  So I looked back facing up to see if I saw an air conditioner thinking water from the condensation must of hit me, but there was no AC unit.  I looked down and noticed the lady still standing and a puddle is now between her legs.  I immediately realized she pissed on me. You Can't Make This Shit Up!